Live it. Love it. Write it.

2011-07-18T19:39:00.000-06:00

Well hello fellow bloggers. It has been quite awhile. I don't even know how long. Much, I know, has happened since my last entry. The biggest thing that has happen is that I moved! Say whaat!? Yes. I moved. I moved from a little midwest town in South Dakota to a fairly large city in North Carolina. The move came with both good and bad things. I was about to list them, but I think I'm too lazy.

When I first got here, (to NC that is), I really did nothing. For a long time. Nothing. Now that it's halfway through the summer it gets absolutely crazy with work, school, and just...hanging out and having a fun summer. Today, for example, I went up to South Mountain and did hiking, and swimming in the creek. Ohhh man it was cold water. I froze but had a blast anyways. I've made lots of new friends and I believe change is healthy for a person. At least for me.

I hope to do some decorating in my room. Maybe fabric for the walls. (a confusing concept, which I also don't feel like explaining) I put up some blank paper to draw on. I also need to get started on that. Loosen up my mind. I need to get creative again.

Well look at this, I've managed to babble.

Til next time. Peace. (:

My Friends.

2011-04-10T20:44:00.001-06:00

They are all crazy.

Insomnia

2011-03-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I hate insomnia. Maybe I'll just sit here and babble until I crash on the keyboard.
...
Or not.
I could also stare at the ceiling.
Or I could plan my day tomorrow.
Let's see...

Chase my imaginary friend.
Play baseball with myself.
Lick some windows.
Color outside the lines.
Eat some crayons.
Talk with those weird voice thingy's in my head.

Did I miss anything? (:

Write with the Pen in Your Mouth

2011-01-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll stick a pen in my mouth an doodle my little heart away. Recently I got a journal called "Wreck This Journal" that my mother bought for me. It rocks. It lets your creativity grow. It even had a page for writing with a pen in your mouth. Here's what I came up with. (: It relaxed me and I giggled quite a bit because I felt so silly. That's the best part, though.

Stick a pen in your mouth. Doodle.

Things I Take For Granted

2011-01-23T23:51:00.008-07:00

So, I have something CRAAZZY to tell you about. Well not really, but hey it's a new post, right? (:

I've been thinking a lot recently, (shocker, huh?) and I realized that many people take a TON of things for granted, and I decided to make a list of things that I take for granted, and start to try and appreciate them more. You know?
Plus, it makes for good reflection, eh?
(I am removing any specific names that I may have written on this list, just so it doesn't cause any weird conflict between my friends. [: Rest assured though, if you are a friend of mine, you are definitely on this list.)
I may or may not provide an explanation to some of these, if I don't, well then.. maybe I'm just being lazy.

shoes
water
soap -- who wants to smell??
pencils
paper -- considering I absolutely love drawing, not having pencils and paper would drive me insane.
internet
bandaids
Dad
Mom
my many teachers
erasers -- who doesn't make a mistake once in awhile?
stars
pictures
my existence -- I think we all take this for granted.
books
the written word (obviously, goes along with books)
recipes
music
clothes
blankets
compassion
voices
colors
transportation
air
animal companion ship (Sophia <3)
privacy
sleep
rain
candles
journals
free will
paper airplanes
stickers -- I'll admit, I've stuck a few of these to my forehead over the years. (:
sunlight
the moon
flowers (tiger lilies, roses..)
the ability to reason
people who love me
Google -- "Who doesn't use Google?" "I don't know, let me Google it."
communication
being 17
bridges
waterfalls
smiles
time
dirt/mud
laughter
spontaneity
shelter
fire
creative abilities
appendages
freedom
snowmen
education
instruments
bubbles
bubble gum
islands
breezes
chocolate
games
banana pancakes
dew
rainbows
dreams
traveling
dancing
carnival rides
letters/numbers
oreos
sayings that remind me of awesome times =) -- (Have I gone 'round the bend?)
pencil sharpeners
stick figures
calendars
hats
elation
children
butterflies
seasons
hot chocolate
rubber band balls
the feeling of belonging
being short =)
tire swings
adhesives -- glue, tape, gum, staples..you know...
being filthy for the heck of it. -- like rolling around in the mud without a care in the world (:
handprints
cliché-ness
sleeping bags
Romans 14:8 -- "for both if we live, we live to Jehovah, and if we die, we die to Jehovah. Therefore both if we live and if we die we belong to Jehovah." -- I think this is pretty self explanatory.
My "Wreck This Journal" -- yeah.
red m&m's -- if you know me, you know I say "I love you a million red m&m's." c:
innocence
chocolate milk
peanut butter sandwiches -- no jelly, thank you very much.
nicknames/namesakes
seat-belts -- I've always wondered why school buses have no seat-belts, that has to be a horrible hazard.
socks -- especially knee-highs
heating pads -- girls...I think you know what I mean.
3-hole-punches -- I think I use these on a regular basis.
the ability to wiggle your toes or make silly faces
adrenaline rushes -- kinda like those things you hear about, like mothers lifting cars off their babies...say whaaat.

I've filled an entire page in my journal with these things, and I have no doubt that I will continue to add more as time goes on, but this is just what I figured I'd share with you. The beginning.

When you're down, why not make a list of your own?

School

2010-11-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in school and I have finished my assignment so I figured I would add a post to my blog. I am in shock that blogger is not blocked on the school computers. I absolutely hate school computers. I like to use Apple computers, and I use a macbook at home. These school computers are very outdated and super slow. I have no patience for these computers. I also have no patience for the fact that every page is blocked. It's like they don't want you to do ANYTHING. Hmph.

Internet On the Plane

2010-10-02T12:38:00.004-06:00

What do you think of the idea of having internet on the airplane? I personally LOVE it. I can do whatever. Browse, post blogs, Twitter, and whatnot. In fact, right now I am in a plane, on my way to North Carolina. 3 hours to go! :)

Bijna

2010-09-19T23:56:00.001-06:00

   So I was twittering a friend (@rachelguglielmo) about traveling, and which was faster, going home, or going to where you want to go in the first place. In my honest opinion, it would be going home. Anyways, one of the last comments that was made said "are we there yet???" and I HAD to reply "bijna". (pronounced baina) Now, what in the WORLD could that mean?
   Bijna means "almost" in Dutch. Now, when I was younger my grandparents came and picked up my Mom and myself, and my two siblings and took us back to their home in North Carolina for 3 months at one point. My grandfather (whom I call Opa) is Dutch and from Indonesia. As you may very well know, many children, on trips, will always ask the question, "Are we there yet?". In our car, it was quite turned around! My Opa would say "Are we there yet?" and what did we reply? Yes, "bijna". This is the Dutch word that he taught us, that means almost. It made the trip fun, and didn't feel like we had such a long ways left to go!
   There's one of my childhood stories for you. Nothing interesting, but the Twittering about it reminded me of it. :)

Cookies

2010-09-18T19:58:00.001-06:00

So I was craving cookies...
This is what happened...

White Chocolate Chip

I Can't Help It

2010-09-16T00:42:00.001-06:00

Ever read something that you just couldn't put down? Sometimes I will get a book, or an article or something, and it's SO good, that I just CANNOT put it down. I must say, I am reading one of those books now. :) I've read over 200 pages in 3 hours. I have a little less than 200 left. I want to finish!!!!

Music Player

2010-09-13T22:41:00.001-06:00

So, yes, I do enjoy music, a lot. But, the music player on my blog really irritated me, so it's gone. Maybe I'll have a poll to see if it should stay gone, or if I should bring it back, with less songs. Let me know what you think.

EDIT: By popular vote, it is gone. Thanks for all your input!

The Countdown

2010-09-13T22:25:00.004-06:00

As you may have noticed I have added a countdown bar to the side of my blog. What is it? It's the days, hours, minutes, seconds, and milliseconds until I graduate. This clock is set to Mountain Time. 614 days to go. Whew...I can do it.

:)

2010-09-02T20:35:00.003-06:00

So. I'm happy. I have my Mom back. :)

What is playing?

2010-08-29T14:37:00.005-06:00

Live it. Love it. PLAY it.

Yeah, I probably use this saying for just about everything I do. But who cares? Certainly not me. :)
Let's see...I created a playlist for this blog. Originally I just had music playing that you couldn't stop, and it was invisible. But as I recall, I cannot stand going to a website and when I hear music and I don't want it playing, it drives me CRAZY. Therefore, here's a playlist, playlist. Ha. (Pun intended)

Anywho, I just wanted to tell you what was playing in my playlist, (for now), and maybe a bit on why.

The first song that should automatically start playing is End of Summer by Theory of a Deadman. My summer ended, so why wouldn't I play this song?

Up next, Life in Technicolor ii by Coldplay. Just a beautiful song that a friend showed me and I totally fell in love with it. Has a long intro, but it's a great song.

Ratatat by Loud Pipes. It's got the beat.

Turn! Turn! Turn! by The Byrds. 1960s-1970s FTW. How can you not love the mellowness of this?

Wake Up Call by Maroon 5. The beat of this song is great. I have no connections to lyrics.

Feelin' Alright by Joe Cocker. I really have no reason that I put this on here. My teacher played it in class the other day, and I was like, "I haven't heard that song in FOREVER." And I wanted it on my playlist. So there ya go.

Links lead to lyrics and web pages. Enjoy some music. If you don't like my taste you can keep it to yourself. I love music, and I will be sure to change what's playing periodically. (:

EDIT: Sorry to say, things have changed. No more playlist. I'll leave this up if you ever wanna check this music out. (: Thanks for visiting!

Thoughts

2010-08-25T19:59:00.003-06:00

From The Mortgaged Heart:

"This city, New York--consider the people in it, the eight million of us. An English friend of mine, when asked why he lived in New York City, said that he liked it here because he could be so alone. While it was my friend's desire to be alone, the aloneness of many Americans who live in cities is an involuntary and fearful thing. It has been said that loneliness is the great American malady. What is the nature of this loneliness? It would seem essentially to be a quest for identity.

To the spectator, the amateur philosopher, no motive among the complex ricochets of our desires and rejections seems stronger or more enduring than the will of the individual to claim his identity and belong. From infancy to death, the human being is obsessed by these dual motives. During our first weeks of life, the question of identity shares urgency with the need for milk. The baby reaches for his toes, then explores the bars of his crib; again and again he compares the difference between his own body and the objects around him, and in the wavering, infant eyes there comes a pristine wonder.

Consciousness of self is the first abstract problem that the human being solves. Indeed, it is this self-consciousness that removes us from lower animals. This primitive grasp of identity develops with constantly shifting emphasis through all our years. Perhaps maturity is simply the history of those mutations that reveal to the individual the relation between himself and the world in which he finds himself.

After the first establishment of identity there comes the imperative need to lose this new-found sense of separateness and to belong to something larger and more powerful than the weak, lonely self. The sense of moral isolation is intolerable to us.

In The Member of the Wedding the lovely twelve-year-old girl, Frankie Addams, articulates this universal need: "The trouble with me is that for a long time I have just been an I person. All people belong to a We except me. Not to belong to a We makes you too lonesome."

Love is the bridge that leads from the I sense to the We, and there is a paradox about personal love. Love of another individual opens a new relation between the personality and the world. The lover responds in a new way to nature and may even write poetry. Love is affirmation; it motivates the yes responses and the sense of wider communication. Love casts out fear, and in the security of this togetherness we find contentment, courage. We no longer fear the age-old haunting questions: "Who am I?" "Why am I?" "Where am I going?" -- and having cast out fear, we can be honest and charitable.

For fear is a primary source of evil. And when the question "Who am I?" recurs and is unanswered, then fear and frustration project a negative attitude. The bewildered soul can answer only: "Since I do not understand 'Who I am,' I only know what I am not." The corollary of this emotional incertitude is snobbism, intolerance, and racial hate. The xenophobic individual can only reject and destroy, as the xenophobic nation inevitably makes war.

The loneliness of Americans does not have its source in xenophobia; as a nation we are an outgoing people, reaching always for immediate contacts, further experience. But we tend to seek out things as individuals, alone. The European, secure in his family ties and rigid class loyalties, knows little of the moral loneliness that is native to us Americans. While the European artists tend to form groups or aesthetic schools, the American artist is the eternal maverick--not only from society in the way of all creative minds, but within the orbit of his own art.

Thoreau took to the woods to seek the ultimate meaning of his life. His creed was simplicity and his modus vivendi the deliberate stripping of external life to the Spartan necessities in order that his inward life could freely flourish. His objective, as he put it, was to back the world into a corner. And in that way did he discover "What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."

On the other hand, Thomas Wolfe turned to the city, and in his wanderings around New York he continued his fenetic and lifelong search for the lost brother, the magic door. He too backed the world into a corner, and as he passed among the city's millions, returning their stares, he experienced "That silent meeting [that] is the summary of all the meetings of men's lives."

Whether in the pastoral joys of country life or in the labyrinthine city, we Americans are always seeking. We wander, question. But the answer waits in each separate heart--the answer of out own identity and the way by which we can master loneliness and feel that at a last we belong."

My Own Comments:

The thoughts that Carson McCullers expressed in her essay, struck me with intensity, especially because of the moment that it was presented to me, and of course the deep thoughts in it. Let me explain why.

This morning, during my English class, my teacher presented all the students with this portion of essay written by Carson McCullers. The assignment was to read, and reread, and reread again until you thought you got the point of the article. Afterwards, you needed to go back again and highlight the parts that were most interesting to you. Or the parts that you agreed with. The purple parts of the essay represent the parts that I, myself, decided to highlight. The next part of the assignment was to write about and reflect on a part or two that you highlighted, in about half a page or so. Simple enough, wouldn't you say?

Not for me. I read and reread this probably 8 to 10 times. It struck me that I wrote the article "Who am I?" not 5 days ago. After reading McCullers essay, it made me think about my previous post, and maybe there IS an answer to the question. It just takes a little more effort than we realize. Would you agree?

Now, I will share with you and reflect on the parts that I highlighted and why I did so. Hopefully to make a little bit more sense.

"...the aloneness of many Americans who live in cities is an involuntary and fearful thing." Of course this is true. How could it not be? Many that have been raised in small towns and move away later in life, don't realize it, but the closeness of small communities is sometimes a security blanket. When you don't have life where everyone knows your business and you don't know your neighbors on a first name basis, you can become very alone, and it can become, like the statement says, afraid.

"...a quest for identity." Not much is to be said about a quest for identity. Not much is there to be able to reflect upon; but many people spend their entire lives searching, questing, for their identity. When it could be possibly staring them in the face. Maybe try, but not too hard, or you could miss it.

"To the spectator, the amateur philosopher, no motive among the complex ricochets of our desires and rejections seems stronger or more enduring than the will of the individual to claim his identity and belong." I think what this statement is trying to say is that no motive is stronger, other than the will of someone to 'belong', will affect their decisions, desires, wants, and sometimes even needs. We all need different things according to each person. All other motives are in subjection to the will of someone to belong.

I do not feel the need to comment on every single highlighted piece of information, but I do believe that this entire article was very well written and it makes sense as to why people feel alone. If someone is looking to answer the question "Who am I?", they should look into reading the entire essay by Carson McCullers.

Who am I?

2010-08-21T12:34:00.006-06:00

I think that in the world we live in today, it is extremely difficult for people to find their 'real' selves. (Remember, these are just my opinions, so don't get too worked up over my posts [:) You can find many 'personality tests' on the internet, you can ask yourself millions of questions. Yet people still sit and wonder, who am I?

I believe this is mostly true because I have found out that as you are around certain people more often, you develop some of their qualities. Whether they are good or bad, it isn't really up to you to decide which ones you will subconsciously take on.

I have also found out that those people who do not care what others think, and let themselves be their own person tend to know themselves better than others. (Am I making sense?)

Anyways, recently a friend of mine started a Facebook note. Now I am not a member of Facebook but instead he emailed me the note. This is what it read:

"I'm Not Changing You to be Me. Don't Make me be You.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you."

Now, I realize this note sounds extremely cliché and it seems there is always one of these notes going around, but this time I actually took the time to write/type out 25 random facts about myself. Ones that are more unique to me and not to other people. I found out that it was really REALLY hard to do so. It took me a few days to come up with a mere TWENTY-FIVE things about ME.

This makes me realize that not everyone knows everything about their inner self. Maybe we should all take some time to answer the simple quesion: Who Am I?

These were the 25 things about myself that I choose to write/type down:

1. My favorite actor of all time is Johnny Depp!! (Captain Jack, Mad Hatter FTW!)

2. I absolutely LOVE drawing. It lets me get things out and I am not much of a writer. (So of course I have a blog. ;]) Although, I do believe that anything that I do draw doesn't look good at all.

3. I wear converse. Cause it's sexy. Ha!

4. I collect purple monkeys. (:

5. I can be considered a nerd. I love Star Wars, Star Trek, video games, and the like. But I can tell you one thing... I'm probably the coolest nerd you'll ever meet. ;)

6. I hate South Dakota. As soon as I can I am hightailing it to Pennsylvania.

7. Music = Life

8. I am a member of the Worldwide Organization of Jehovah's Witnesses. A fact I am very proud of.

9. I am the eldest child of 3. Without my siblings there would be a part of me missing.

10. My greatest fear is losing someone I love.

11. Green tea is one of my weaknesses. The other is roses.

12. I love keeping in touch with people, but I am absolutely horrible at emailing.

13. I used to have terrible looking teeth. Now they are fairly white, straight, and even. I can enjoy smiling now.

14. One of my favorite things to be called is Kalie Suzanne. Most of the people that I know, or have known my entire life don't know that.

15. My favorite color is purple. So much so, in fact, I painted my room purple. I collect purple things (refer to number 4). And I even own a pair of purple skinny jeans.

16. I love hoodies, sundresses, and skinny jeans.

17. If I don't wear a seatbelt in a car, I feel naked. True facts.

18. If you looked in my refrigerator it would have watermelon, green tea, and stuff for making tacos and sushi. Mmmhmmmm. (:

19. I feel like I make friends fairly easily. But I only have a very few close friends.

20. I am a very impulsive person. I decide something, and I feel like it needs to be taken care of immediately. I am unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as the ocean.

21. I am afraid of things I cannot control.

22. I have arachnophobia.

23. I am more inclined to stay awake during the night.

24. I don't often enjoy sweet things/desserts. I just doesn't please my palate. Once in awhile I absolutely love something like that. But very rarely. Unless is sherbet.

25. If I could, I would make traveling a hobby. It's one of my favorite things to do. Whether by plane, car, or boat. I love it.

It may have taken me time to make this list, but I feel like I may know myself a bit better. and I am a little closer to answering the question: Who Am I?

Relieving Stress

2010-07-21T13:53:00.002-06:00

Do you ever feel like you have so much going on and you just can't keep up with everything? I do plenty of times. Most times I like to just sit and try not to think about anything. But what I really enjoy doing to take my mind off things, is just turn up the tunes loud and pull out the sketchbook. Recently I drew a sunflower.

What do you like to do to relieve stress?

Sunflower

2010-07-21T13:43:00.000-06:00

Time

2010-04-20T00:03:00.002-06:00

Time. An inconceivable thing. It can be our greatest friend or our worst enemy. Time give us life and death. For some, time passes quickly with the hands spinning out of control. For others time trickles slowly by, each second making a loud painful sound.

What if we dropped the concept of time? Would we live eternity, never ending? Or would our lives be just that slight cool breeze for a quick refreshment on a hot summer day, never to come back again, tickling the necks of others passing by in the same time period?

Time, even if we don't realize it, rules us completely, without end, forever. If we lose sight of time, does that mean death? Or does it mean a continuance of life?

It's an absolute THING that everyone believes in, without question. Why? We question everything else.

Am I a lunatic? Does this inquiry of mine, make me not normal according to the world's standards? If we all doubted the absoluteness of time; where would we be? Where would we go? What would we do?

Time.

Dreaming With Your Eyes Open

2010-04-19T23:57:00.002-06:00

Many times, people look at the world with their eyes shut, not really seeing. We should open our eyes and take a look and see the terrible happenings in the world. Why do we support the things we do?!? Really! Open your eyes. Look around. See the world and it's beauty. Get away from the cement and the buildings and the pollution. Put your blackberry or apple down for the moment and eat a real one. :) Take a hike. Walk through the mountains. Run in time. Daydream. This time...just do it with your eyes OPEN.

Vlogging

2010-04-19T23:39:00.002-06:00

Sooo...vlogging. What are your ideas on it? I think it would be an easier way to 'blog', because you don't think about what you are saying. You just say it. When typing, I feel like I have to think it through, reread it, and edit....all that good stuff. Vlogging, you just..go. I think I really like that idea. A friend of mine decided to start vlogging on YouTube . Why not, right? I think I will vlog with him. Why should I vlog? What should I vlog about? Any ideas? Help!